The Police Psiren's Wail
by TerraCottaKitten
Summary: Edward gets a job at a university, but things don't quite go as planned when an old enemy shows up, attempting to steal away his reputation and only hope for a normal life.  [EdxWinry], Onesided [EdxPsiren]...oneshot


**The Police Psiren's Wail**

Disclaimer: Although I have made many things in my life (brownies, cupcakes, necklaces, good grades, bad grades, an office chair…) I did NOT make Full Metal Alchemist, so naturally I do NOT own the characters (I can't help it if they run into my mind and place little stories in my head though…: )

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The blond vixen grinned devilishly down at the uniformed men from her vantage point on the apartment windowsill.

She had been playing this cat-and-mouse game with the cops for as long as she could remember. The woman had almost decided that she was getting to old, wait, no, not too old (her suit still fit fine, she may have had to suck in a little when putting it on this time, but that was no sign of aging. She didn't even have wrinkles!), but too… _mature_ to be engaging in such childish games anymore. Beside, she was one of the most famous thieves' in all of Amestris and she could retire with an almost spotless record of alluding capture.

With only one more heist she could call it quits and live in the life of luxury for the rest of her days (Which she had plenty of because she wasn't old at all!). She swiftly fell into the shadows and left the confused police to search for her trail, _not that I left one_ she thought haughtily, then giggled.

_**xxxxxxxx**_

_This is bad_

_This is very bad_

Ed thought as he scrambled through the crowd of angry pedestrians ("Hey watch where your going, it's a public sidewalk, I'm walking here!"). He had only been working at his new teaching position for a week and he was already late for the third time! Not to mention that today was his evaluation, from the dean no less!

The blond man stopped in front of the university and took a deep breath of frigid air, gathering his thoughts (more like thinking of a proper excuse). The job as an alchemy professor was what he had always wanted. Since he had retrieved Al's body back from the gate, he could finally pursue his dream. He finally got to do what he had always intended and help people using alchemy.

After he quit his job at the military, and after he had said a smug farewell to the cocky bastard general (a promotion the dark haired _general _wouldn't let the golden-eyed man forget), he began to search through the newspaper for job options. He soon came upon the perfect position at the Sranton University, which was looking for a professor of his qualifications.

When he came up with a decent explanation for his tardiness he hurriedly entered the university. As he opened the door, a blast of warm air greeted him. He leapt up the stairs two at a time and ran down the hall to his classroom, his coat flapping behind him.

When he opened the simple wooden door that lead into his classroom, he was pleased to see his students in their seats, pens and paper out, eyes looking towards him expectantly. What he was not pleased to see was an aging, gray-haired, old lady in the front row. The woman in question stared at him reproachfully as he hung up his coat and made his way to the front of the classroom. _So that's why my class is acting so good today, they're afraid of her_, he thought, annoyed.

The dean, a strict, willowy woman, with a tight smile and sharp eyes cleared her throat, "and where have we been this morning?" She demanded condescendingly, tapping her fingers on the desk and giving away her impatience. "Too sleepy to get up for your evaluation?" She inquired crossly as she wrote a note on her clipboard.

"Actually, uh… you see, my brother was visiting this weekend, and it's been so long since I've seen him that-"

"Mr. Elric!" the dean all but screeched, rudely interrupting his well thought out excuse "What you do in you're free time is none of our," she gestured around the room "concern. Now if you'll please begin the lesson, the children would probably like to learn, considering how much money was spent to get a teacher of you impressive…" She looked him up and down "_stature_." As she finished her rant scattered laughter was heard around the room. Ed had to clench his fist to keep from punching the old bat in the face. _And I thought I left the short jokes back in the office with Mustang_, he growled to himself.

Edward, trying to be professional and ignoring the jab at his height, gulped nervously and turned to face the chalkboard. His fingers clumsily fumbled around the tray, searching for a piece of chalk. The homunculi be damned (he smirked at the pun), this woman was way worse than those murderous abominations combined.

He turned and smiled politely at the dean, then faced his students. "I was saying yesterday, _the classification normally starts with the hydrocarbons. Other elements present themselves in atomic configurations, or functional groups which have decisive influence on the chemical and physical characteristics of the compound; thus those containing the same atomic formations…_" As the lesson commenced, he heard pens' scratching hastily on paper trying to keep up with the complex equations that were being written on the board. Halfway through class the sound of pens was replaced by one of whispers. The blond man trailed off his lecture and was about to ask why they had stopped (It _was_ going to be on the mid-term after all) copying down the information, when her heard the sound of thuds overhead, followed by a silky feminine chuckle.

He glanced towards the students and noticed a few pairs of eyes were looking at him questioningly, while others had their gaze focused on the ceiling, their heads tilted slightly, ears straining to hear more of the startling noises. The pupils were rewarded with a _tap tap tap_ sound echoing through the halls a floor above them that was coming closer to the room where they were currently occupied.

"What the-" Ed was about to inquire, when he was cut off for the second time that day, this time by a pair of black stilettos followed by a person crashing through a newly made hole in the ceiling and raining dust all over the students and adults in the vicinity. The person landed, cat-like, on their feet. When the dust cleared, Edward saw a woman (obviously a woman, judging by the curves) clad in a tight leather jumpsuit with one leg exposing a long, smooth limb. The voluptuous woman turned cautiously to inspect her surroundings, revealing a dark mask with bunny ears that covered most of the blonde's heart-shaped face.

The blond man couldn't help but gasp. The shapely woman quickly pivoted and fell into a defensive stance, her piercing green eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Cl-Psiren!?" he swiftly corrected. "What are you doing here?" he asked hesitantly, his golden eyes wide with surprise.

The woman, Psiren, smirked and answered suggestively, "Well, well, Edward, it seems we've been reunited after such a long time." She then pouted. "I thought I told you to call me when you got older…"

Ed scowled and demanded again, more forcefully "What are you doing here Psiren? I thought when I left Aquroya you were in handcuffs!"

"Ed," she sighed. "I thought you were smarter than _that_. I'm Psiren, the Phantom Thief. I'm the greatest bandit to ever walk (or swim) the country, (Ed rolled his eyes) I can get out of any bind! And to answer you're first question, well let's just say that the Ishbalans knew what they were talking about, even if they didn't like alchemy very much." She waved a crumpled, aged scroll (the paper strangely reminded Ed of staring at the dean's face when he first saw her at the school) in the air, all the while wearing a victorious smile.

The old woman in the front row gasped, and Ed, having almost forgotten about the dean, whipped around to look at her. "The scrolls, how did you get those?" She looked at Ed, eyes wide. "Those hold the secrets of… the _stone_," she whispered to him, her voice taking on a secretive tone. "With you being an alchemist, I'd guess you'd know _which_ stone," she lowered her voice, if possible, even more.

The blond man took a deep breath and rubbed his face with his flesh hand. _Damn it! I thought we got rid of all traces on how to make the Philosophers Stone!_

Psiren's voice cut into his thoughts, "…although I really should be giving this to you. I did promise to steal that funny little stone for you, but I suppose that was only if _you_ found it… So it's only fair for me to take this. Of course, I _could_ change my mind for a night on the town with the _famous_ Edward Elric… and possibly breakfast afterwards…"

Ed gave her a cocky smile and placed his hands on his hips. "Actually, I've already got a girlfriend," he stated triumphantly. The gloating blond faced his class of open-mouthed students. "I was hoping to save this for later in the year when you guys had learned more, but I suppose now would be a good time to demonstrate alchemy in action and not just theory," Ed lamented as his perfectly scheduled plans for the year were dashed.

Psiren's shoulders dropped and her face formed into a pretty frown. "It's just my luck that the only thing I can't steal is your heart," she grumbled. "Oh, well, Al always had a bit of a crush on me, didn't he?"

"Stay away from my brother!" Ed spat as he swung around to face her again. He then charged at her, clapping his hands together on the way and forming a steel blade.

Psiren gracefully back flipped out of the way. "Oh, come on, Ed…" she continued as Ed swung his improvised sword at her head. She ducked and grabbed his hand as it went sailing over her head, but he was already following up with a high kick. Psiren cart wheeled out of the way and kicked his lithe body to the ground. "…I know how much you two like when I dress up…. And I know that you especially liked the role-play, perhaps we should try it in the bedroom. I'm sure you'd like it if I were a nurse, or maybe a teacher, or maybe… a _nun_," she bent down and purred against his ear.

"Wh- I mean, we never… YOU WANTED TO DRESS LIKE TH- we NEVER," The red-faced alchemist spluttered helplessly from his place on the ground. He stole a quick, furtive glance at his students and noted that some were staring incredulously at the display, while others (he would make sure to learn names and come up with a… _fitting _punishment later…. Knives and explosives sounded about right) were wolf whistling and egging the seductive burglar on.

Ed clapped his hands together and slapped the ground, causing the floor to transform into strong wooden binds. They wrapped around the thief, holding her hourglass figure in place and pinning her arms across her chest.

"Ha! Caught you again!" Ed whooped as he heard more footsteps thudding a couple of floors below. "And it looks like the security is coming… finally," he muttered chidingly.

She grinned, "You shouldn't be so hard on them, it's not their fault I knocked most of them out…. I thought I got all of them though, that must be the cops…"

As the hammer of footsteps gradually grew louder, the incapacitated woman's green eyes widened in panic as she attempted to pull down the zipper of her jumpsuit. When she succeeded, she brushed her fingers against the dark, intricate symbol tattooed across her chest. The obstructions vanished and she dashed towards the window.

Ed, noticing his captive was escaping, lunged at her feet. They both fell to the ground and somersaulted, the blond man landing on top of the thief in a very compromising position.

"Ed… if you wanted to do _this_ we could have gone somewhere more comfortable…" groaned Psiren.

Ed removed his knee from the floor between her legs. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT AND YOU KNOW IT!!" he howled, his face scarlet, then hastily jumped off of the floor.

"Mr. Elric! Don't forget about the scroll!" The now scandalized dean screamed. "Don't let her get away either, I don't care if you two are lovers, you had better get that scroll or you'll lose more than just your job!" She yelled impatiently.

Ed spotted the scroll across the room next to his desk. He also saw that Psiren had seen it too, but before the mad dash to the aged piece of paper could commence, the door slammed open and police officers started pouring into the room.

The golden-eyed man had ran to pick up the scroll, when he heard the guns start firing (and the dean screeching, "NO! Stop, there are valuable artifacts in here… and children! Stop you brutes!"). In all of the commotion (one can't be expected to be aware of _everything_ that goes on around them in such chaos…) he "accidentally" dropped (or threw) the scroll into the crossfire, where it was ripped asunder.

_**xxxxxxxx**_

Psiren, seeing the scroll was too far away and the cops too close for comfort, blew a farewell kiss to the occupied alchemist and quickly departed. After she was safely hidden behind a gargoyle on the rooftop above, she heard the gunfire and sighed. _Ah, well_, she thought, _I didn't get the scroll, but I'm sure there are plenty of other places to con… _She climbed to another roof on the building adjacent to the school and began her seemingly never-ending search for one more "five-finger discount".

_**xxxxxxxx**_

"Oh _no_… What a _shame_…" Ed exclaimed sarcastically, pushing his lips into an innocent pout.

"What do you mean, '_What a shame'_, that document was PRICELESS!" the furious dean yelled, pulling at her salt-and-pepper hair.

"It was an accident," Ed said, crossing his metal digits behind his back.

"Just get out of my sight this instant Mr. Elric!" she exclaimed, pointing at the shattered door.

"Does that mean I'm fired, or-"

"No… just leave, and don't be late tomorrow or you really will be fired," she sighed tiredly and rubbed her eyes in fatigue.

_**xxxxxxxx**_

As Edward exited into the hallway outside of his room, excited eyes greeted him.

"That was so cool Mr. Elric!" one student exclaimed.

"I didn't know you could do that with alchemy!" another shouted.

"Do you have Psiren's phone number?" yet another asked shamelessly.

After and hour of recounting his first run in with the infamous thief and answering questions the students were shouting at him, he made his way home, knowing his girlfriend would be there to greet him with a warm smile and a steaming cup of hot chocolate.

_**xxxxxxxx**_

Walking the streets that night the blond woman spotted an enormous house up the lane. She smirked and went over to scout it out. When she peered in, she saw an attractive blond man laughing, his arm around an equally adorable woman with cerulean eyes. The golden-eyed man seemed to be telling an animated story to the giggling blond girl, a bottle of red wine sitting on the table between them (she recalled the boy sprawled out on the couch turning about the same shade earlier that day) and an empty glass in each of their hands.

"So I suppose the pretty little boy I liked so well has gone and found himself a pretty little girl," she said to herself, looking slightly disgusted (not jealous at all!). "Perfect, their lives are just going _so_ well, the happy couple, while I'm walking the streets in the middle of the night!" Then her eyes brightened. "Maybe I really should visit Alphonse!"

As she was thinking, she heard a sharp intake of breath and a gasp of "Winry!" Startled, she glanced once more into the window and her face contorted into an expression of distaste. She then trudged into the darkness, not wanting to look at the infatuated couple kissing any longer.

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I hope you liked my second story EVER!! WHOOP!!

I'M SO SO SORRY, I loaded this a long time ago, but today, I was just going through my stories because my others had the dividers taken out between the scenes… Well, it happened to this one too (wails in complete and utter agony) I'm sorry that I reposted, but I don't know how to redo oneshots without reposting!!

But anyways, I don't know what color Clara's eyes are, at first I thought they were green, but now I've settled on blue (I think that's what color they were in a picture I saw)… Nevermind, I've been corrected, they're green...

And I don't know anything (or I've forgotten it) about chemistry, so if the information is wrong up there, I'm very sorry, it was an honest mistake!

I was almost gonna make this into a double chapter (that's what keeps happening to all of my oneshots!… or at least one of my oneshots..), but I figured it wasn't _that_ long.

Ugh!! I'm SO annoyed with myself! I keep uploading this story cause I keep finding mistakes that are big enough to make the story not really make sense!! Grrr…. (but I think I got most of them now!)

Um… If you guys would be so kind as to review, I would be forever grateful!


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